Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
