So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
