the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
