So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
