do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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