the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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