return my video game
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
