everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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