it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
