just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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