Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
