Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
