Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize