I could have mohawked her pubes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
