so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
