I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
