You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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