Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
