no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
