Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
