dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
