I'm drive I can fine osifer
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
