There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
