Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
