In America we eat man semen.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
