He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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