Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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