Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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