He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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