the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I met the friendliest cop last night
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
