he puts the penis in happiness.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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