Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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