After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
