i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
