i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
