It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
