Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
