mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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