Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
