We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
