If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
