Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
