I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
