You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish they made helmets for livers.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
