And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
