I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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