i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
