At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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