I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
