Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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