Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize