Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize