I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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