That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize