I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
