Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
