remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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