i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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