I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
