I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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