There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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