never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
