I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
