Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He? As in you personified your dick?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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