Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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