he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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