I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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