yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
