Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
