Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
