I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize