Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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