Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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